Red Flags, Green Flags, and Returning to Truth

Dr. Elisa Malangone

Hello Gorgeous Souls. Welcome back to Ignite Your Insight, It's Me, Elisa. Ok, buckle up and prepare yourself for "energetic impact" my love. Just as I invited you to contemplate deeper in my (For Crying Out Loud) episode where we explored the subliminal social conditioning through music, advertising, religious containers, education and more, this episode takes things a few layers beyond that. If you've been part of this community for any length of time, you know that we gather here for growth. We gather here for healing, for self-awareness, for deeper conversations that invite us to become more aligned with who we truly are. Lately, I've been thinking about something. Can we really grow spiritually... if we never question what we've accepted as truth? Because growth isn't just about learning something new. Sometimes it's about discovering that what we've believed all along... wasn't actually ours. Maybe it was inherited. Maybe it was modeled. Maybe it was repeated so often that it simply became familiar. And familiarity has an interesting way of disguising itself as truth. There was a time when children rode in cars without seatbelts. There was a time when parents left their children sleeping in the car while they ran into the grocery store. There was a time when smoking was perfectly acceptable in airplanes, restaurants, hospitals... even around babies. There was a time when spanking—or even slapping a child in public—was considered normal discipline in many families. I'm not sharing these examples to criticize previous generations. It's up to each of us individually to decide if most of our parents and grandparents loved us deeply and were doing the very best they could with the information they had. I'm sharing because history teaches us something incredibly humbling. Normal isn't always healthy. And if that's true of our behaviors... I wonder where else it's true. Maybe the greatest red flags in our lives aren't the obvious ones. Maybe they're the things we've stopped questioning because they've become familiar.

Dr. Elisa Malangone

Today, I want to explore red flags... green flags... and what I believe is the most important journey any of us will ever take. The journey back to our own truth. I've been reflecting on my own childhood recently, and I realized something I had never quite put into words. I grew up in two very different worlds. One was my everyday environment. The other lived on a television screen. Every afternoon I'd spend time with Mr. Rogers, Sesame Street, and The Electric Company. Looking back now, I realize those weren't simply children's programs. They were emotional classrooms. Mr. Rogers never rushed feelings. He never made children feel silly for being afraid. He didn't shame sadness. He didn't criticize sensitivity. He didn't tell children to "get over it." He simply made room. He modeled kindness. He modeled curiosity. He modeled presence. He quietly taught us what emotional safety looked like. Without ever using the phrase "green flag," he was teaching us exactly what one felt like. Being listened to. Being respected. Being accepted. Being safe enough to have feelings. And isn't that interesting? Because while I was learning those lessons every afternoon... I was also growing up in an environment that—like so many families—sometimes taught very different messages to a painful degree... Don't rock the boat. Be nice. Don't upset anyone. They're family. Maybe they didn't mean it. You're probably overreacting. Give them another chance. And the oh so familiar greatest hit of our times..."Children should be seen and not heard". Looking back now, I don't think I was learning how to trust myself. I was learning how to negotiate with myself. And that's something so many of us have done. We override our intuition. We explain away discomfort. We convince ourselves that what we're feeling isn't real because someone else told us it wasn't. Healing didn't teach me intuition... Healing removed everything that taught me not to trust it...

Dr. Elisa Malangone

One of the greatest gifts this journey has given me isn't better answers. It's better questions. Because I've realized most of us weren't taught how to think. We were taught what to think. What success looked like. What love looked like. What being spiritual looked like. What being a good daughter, son, partner, parent, or friend looked like. Someone handed us conclusions before we ever had the opportunity to explore our own. But healing has a funny way of changing that. It gently invites us to become curious again. Now I find myself asking different questions. Does this bring me peace? Does this align with my values? Does my nervous system soften... or tighten? Does this relationship leave me feeling more like myself... or less? And perhaps the most important question of all... Is this actually true... or is it simply familiar? That question has changed my life. Because familiarity has incredible power. Just because something is common... doesn't mean it's healthy. Just because everyone around us accepts something... doesn't mean our soul does. Recently I came across a list of everyday expressions we use without even thinking about them. a (red flag) communication system of violent undertones we have been conditioned to overlook for the sake that it was "just normal"...We shoot someone an email. We bite the bullet. We pull the trigger. We kill two birds with one stone. We soften the blow. We take a stab at something. We roll with the punches. We battle traffic. We fight deadlines. The list is excruciating and goes on and on. Does anyone else remember hearing adults say they would "skin you alive" if you didn't behave? Yeah... I'm sure that one still has a triggering charge for many listening today. Reviewing this list, I realized how fascinating language really is. Language reflects culture. Culture reflects what we've normalized. And as someone who practices hypnosis, I know something about the subconscious. The subconscious learns through repetition. Not because something is repeated once. Because it's repeated thousands of times. Eventually... what was once language begins to feel like reality. That realization has made me much more intentional with my words. Not perfect. Intentional. You may remember an episode I did called "I Prefer." That wasn't just about choosing different words. It was about choosing different experiences. Instead of saying, "I have to..." What happens when we say, "I get to..." Instead of saying, "I should..." What if we simply said, "I prefer..." The energy changes. The body changes. The nervous system changes. Words become beliefs...Beliefs become choices... Choices become lives...

Dr. Elisa Malangone

As a Spiritual Medium, people often ask me what Spirit has taught me after all these years. And if I had to narrow it down... I think it would be this. Spirit has never once made me feel like I needed to become someone else. Not once. Spirit doesn't compare. Spirit doesn't shame. Spirit doesn't ask why you weren't more successful or more productive. Spirit continually reminds us of who we already are beneath everything we've collected along the way. I've come to believe we weren't born broken. We arrived here whole. Curious. Connected. Compassionate. Intuitive. Then life happened. Families happened. Schools happened. Culture happened. Religion happened. Relationships happened. Fear happened. Layer after layer settled over the truth of who we were. Healing, for me, has never been about becoming someone new. It's been about brushing away everything that covered what was already there. Imagine walking through a forest after a fresh snowfall. The path hasn't disappeared. It's simply been covered. Your truth hasn't disappeared. Your intuition hasn't abandoned you. Your purpose isn't hiding. It's patiently waiting beneath years of conditioning... waiting for you to become quiet enough to hear it again.

Dr. Elisa Malangone

Maybe that's why I think we've spent so much time over looking Red Flags, because we never realized there were green ones. Green flags aren't flashy. They're peaceful. They're consistent. They're accountable. They're kind. They're people who repair instead of damage. They're relationships where your nervous system finally exhales. They're environments where you don't have to perform to belong. They're conversations where curiosity matters more than being right. They're the feeling that you can simply be yourself. And maybe... just maybe... the greatest green flag of all... is when you begin trusting your own inner knowing again. Because before we can partner with our purpose... we first have to partner with our truth. And once you begin doing that... something extraordinary happens. You stop asking the world who you're supposed to be. You begin remembering who you've been all along...

Dr. Elisa Malangone

So this week, I'd love to leave you with three questions. What have I accepted simply because it was common? What have I mistaken for truth simply because it was familiar? And what would my life look like if I began normalizing the green? And before our next full episode, I invite you to become curious. Listen to the words you speak every day. Not to judge them... simply to notice them. Because awareness is always the first step toward transformation. Then join me next week for a special Insight Spotlight as we explore some of the everyday expressions we've normalized and discover gentle alternatives that bring our language into greater harmony with the lives—and the world—we're choosing to create. Thank you for joining me today. If this conversation resonated with you, I hope you'll share it with someone who may need this reminder. And if you'd like to learn more about my work, explore upcoming events, or schedule a session with me, I'd love to connect with you at ElisaInsight.com. Until next time... Much Love, Light, and Insight. ❤️