The Ebb and Flow of Yes and No

Dr. Elisa Malangone

Welcome to Ignite Your Insight everyone. I'm Dr. Elisa Malangone.Last week, we explored Seller's Remorse, selling oneself short if you will. Not the remorse that comes from making a bad purchase or a poor decision, but the kind that shows up when we realize fear talked us out of a possibility before it ever had the chance to become one.The phone call we never made.The invitation we never accepted.The conversation we never started.The dream we quietly placed back on the shelf.And if you're anything like me, perhaps that episode stirred up a few moments in your own life where you found yourself wondering, "What if?"But after we finished that conversation, another question began tugging at me.What gives fear that kind of power in the first place?Because the more I sat with it, the more I realized something. Fear doesn't only show up in the moments we say no.Sometimes fear is hiding inside the things we continue saying yes to.Now before you think this is an episode about boundaries, saying no to everyone, or becoming some kind of self-help expert at declining invitations, stay with me.Because what we're talking about today goes much deeper than that.You see, life has a rhythm to it.The ocean understands this. The tide comes in...The tide goes out. There is an ebb and a flow. An expansion and a contraction.A yes and a no. Neither one is wrong. Neither one is permanent. Yet so many of us spend our lives trying to live in permanent high tide, saying yes when we mean no, saying no when we mean yes, and wondering why we feel disconnected from the life we're trying to create.So let me ask you something.What did you say yes to this morning before you ever got out of bed?Not out loud.Not consciously.But somewhere between opening your eyes and beginning your day.Maybe it was the agreement to carry a worry you've been carrying for weeks.Maybe it was the agreement to put your needs at the bottom of the list again.Maybe it was the agreement to keep waiting for the perfect time.Keep tolerating.Keep postponing.Keep hoping something changes without changing anything yourself.Because whether we realize it or not, our lives are built upon agreements.Some we consciously choose.Others become so familiar we stop noticing them altogether.And that's where today's conversation begins.Because what if fear only had that power because of what you've been saying yes to...and what you've been saying no to?...Now we're getting somewhere...

Dr. Elisa Malangone

And as always, those of you who have been walking this journey with me for a while know my teachings don't just arrive out of thin air. Life tends to hand me the lesson first. Then, years later, I get to teach it. So before we land this plane, let me show you where I first began understanding the ebb and flow of yes and no. Many of you know parts of my story. You know about the marriage. You know about the financial abuse. You know about the day I found myself staring at two dollars and a Blow Pop after nearly two decades of building a life with someone. That wasn't the lesson. The lesson was what came before it. The lesson was that I spent seven years saying yes to something that had already stopped serving my highest good. Seven years. Seven years of saying yes because I didn't want to rock the boat. Seven years of saying yes because it felt easier than facing the unknown. Seven years of saying yes to keeping a container intact that had already completed its purpose. What I couldn't see at the time was that every one of those yeses was creating a no somewhere else. A no to my voice. A no to my confidence. A no to my purpose. A no to becoming the woman I was here to be. The tide was completely out of balance. And when everything finally came crashing down, I began to see something I couldn't unsee. Every yes creates a no. Every no creates a yes. Imagine if I had stayed. Imagine if I had continued saying yes. The last decade of my life would not exist. The thousands of people I've had the privilege to sit with in sessions. The families who found healing in grief. The men and women who found the courage to leave situations that were diminishing them. The people who rediscovered their worth. The authors, speakers, and emerging thought leaders who needed someone to believe in them before they could believe in themselves. The audiences. The workshops. The podcasts. The conversations. The moments of transformation. The purpose partnership that has become my life's work. None of it. Not because I wasn't capable of it. But because I was saying yes to something that required me to keep saying no to myself. And that is the hidden cost of an unconscious yes. Not what it gives you. What it prevents. What it postpones. What it asks you to abandon in order to keep it alive. That's why this conversation matters. Because somewhere in your life there may be a yes you've been carrying for years. A yes that once served you. A yes that once made sense. A yes that once felt aligned. But if it is continually asking you to say no to your growth, your peace, your joy, your purpose, or your potential... then perhaps it deserves another look.

Dr. Elisa Malangone

The moment we direct our energy toward one thing, we are simultaneously directing it away from something else.If I say yes to worry, I am saying no to peace.If I say yes to self-doubt, I am saying no to trust.If I say yes to waiting, I am saying no to movement.If I say yes to settling, I am saying no to possibility.And suddenly the question becomes much bigger than what we say we want.It becomes a question of what we're continually agreeing to.Because our lives are built upon agreements.Some are conscious.Some are inherited.Some were created by experiences that happened so long ago we've forgotten we ever made them.Agreements like:"I have to earn love.""I shouldn't inconvenience people.""It's safer to stay small.""If I don't do it, it won't get done."And before long, these agreements stop feeling like choices and start feeling like facts.But they aren't facts.They're simply stories we've practiced long enough to believe.And perhaps that's why so many people become frustrated when it comes to manifestation.We spend so much time focusing on what we desire.The relationship.The opportunity.The abundance.The healing.The next chapter.Yet very few people stop to ask:What am I currently agreeing to?Because I've often said:We manifest what we tolerate.Not because life is punishing us.Not because the Universe is withholding something.But because our agreements have momentum.Every yes is feeding something.Every yes is strengthening something.Every yes is supporting something.The question is: What is your yes supporting? And perhaps even more importantly...Is it aligned with where you're trying to go? The ocean understands this better than we do.The tide comes in. The tide goes out. Expansion. Contraction.Yes.No. Not opposing forces...Dance partners. Imagine if the ocean insisted on permanent high tide.Everything would flood.Imagine if it remained low tide forever.Everything would dry up.The wisdom isn't found in one or the other.The wisdom is found in the rhythm.Life asks the same of us.There are seasons for the expansive yes.Yes to growth.Yes to opportunity.Yes to connection.Yes to possibility.And there are seasons for the protective no.No to what no longer serves.No to what depletes.No to what diminishes.No to what we've outgrown.Both are necessary.Both create movement.Both create change.And perhaps that's why I want to leave you with a few questions today.Not because I have the answers for you.But because I believe you do.What are you continuing to say yes to that deserves a loving no?What are you continuing to say no to that deserves a courageous yes?What agreements have you outgrown that are still negotiating on your behalf?And if your current yeses and nos continue exactly as they are today...Where will they lead you?Not next week.Not next month.Five years from now.Will they carry you toward the life you're trying to create?Or will they keep you attached to a version of yourself you've already outgrown?Because perhaps the deepest seller's remorse isn't simply the opportunities we passed by.Perhaps it's realizing we've been saying yes to things that deserve a no...and no to things that deserve a yes.The tide doesn't apologize for coming in.The tide doesn't apologize for going out.It simply trusts the rhythm.The ebb.The flow.The yes.And the no.Perhaps that's what life is asking of us too.Until next time my friends,Much Love, Light, and Insight.